Be kind to yourself
By Ray Baptiste
We’ve all been there I promise you. Even the most confident-looking person has had moments where they felt unsure walking into a room full of strangers or standing up in front of their colleagues to speak. I know because I am one of those people, the life and soul of the party, full of beans, witty, confident, and outgoing - all words that have been said to me by colleagues, family, and friends. However, I kid you not there have been many many times when I have feared walking into a room even a room with people that I know. Whether it’s for a networking event, a social gathering, or a professional meeting, fear is often tied to social anxiety or the fear of being judged. However, with some mindset shifts and practical strategies, you can build confidence and become more comfortable in these situations. So, how do you overcome and don't let fear hold you back.
Overcoming fear:
1. Shift Your Mindset
Instead of thinking of the room being full of intimidating people, think of it as an opportunity to learn, connect, or contribute. Change your focus from “What will they think of me?” to “What can I learn or share? Remember that you’re not alone in feeling nervous. Many people experience anxiety in social situations, and they are often, too focused on their own worries to scrutinise yours.
2. Prepare in Advance
If you’re attending an event or meeting, have a clear goal in mind. Whether it’s to meet specific people, learn something, or contribute to a discussion, having a purpose can reduce anxiety and give you direction. Prepare a few conversation starters or a simple introduction about yourself. Knowing what you’ll say when you meet someone can ease the initial awkwardness. Do your homework! If you know who will be at the event, research some key details about them. Get ahead of the topic so that you will be able to confidently have talking points. If it’s not possible to do this in advance you can always use the line “I’m here to understand and learn more about this area as I find it interesting, so I would love to hear your thoughts”.
3. Start Small
Arrive early. This can help reduce anxiety because the room is less crowded, and it’s easier to approach people one-on-one before groups form. Instead of trying to engage with the whole room, focus on one or two people at a time. Approaching smaller groups feels more manageable and intimate. Remember to smile and make eye contact as this is an excellent ice-breaker without you needing to say much. It signals warmth and openness, inviting others to approach you.
4. Use Breathing Techniques
When you feel anxious, your body often reacts with shallow breathing, which can increase feelings of panic. Practice deep breathing before and during the event. This calms your nervous system and helps you focus. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds and exhale for 8 seconds. This method helps lower stress and brings you into a more relaxed state.
5. Focus on Others, Not Yourself
Shift the focus away from yourself by becoming genuinely curious about others. Ask questions, listen intently, and show interest in what others are saying. People enjoy talking about themselves, and your interest will be appreciated, making the conversation easier. Try not to overthink what you are doing, as people are generally not as focused on you as you might think. They are often thinking about themselves, their conversations, or their anxieties.
6. Visualise Success
Before entering the room, take a few moments to imagine yourself feeling confident, engaging in meaningful conversations, and enjoying the event. This helps condition your mind to react more positively to the situation. Instead of fearing potential awkwardness, picture yourself leaving the event feeling good about the connections you made and the conversations you had.
7. Embrace Small Wins
Celebrate small successes, like introducing yourself to one person or joining a group conversation. Don’t set unrealistic expectations for yourself; focus on progress rather than perfection. Remember, if the anxiety becomes overwhelming, it’s okay to step out for a few minutes, take deep breaths, and collect yourself before re-entering the room.
8. Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself if you feel awkward or nervous. Instead of being overly critical, remind yourself that it’s okay to feel anxious and that each time you push through the discomfort, you’re building confidence. Try to think more along the lines of your ‘progress’ as opposed to everything needing to be ‘perfect’. You don’t have to be the most outgoing person in the room. Take pride in the fact that you are showing up and trying to push beyond your comfort zone.
9. Focus on Body Language
Having a confident posture is empowering. Stand tall, keep your shoulders back, and maintain open body language. This not only makes you appear more confident to others but also signals to your brain that you are in control. You can even practice a ‘power pose’. Before walking into the room, try standing with your hands on your hips or arms stretched wide. Research shows this can reduce stress and boost your confidence.
10. Keep Going
The more you practice walking into social situations, the easier it becomes. Start with smaller, less intimidating events and gradually build up to larger gatherings. Over time, this desensitises your fear and boosts your social confidence. You could even try some volunteer work, attend workshops, or join smaller professional groups to practice being in social settings where you can interact with people in a less overwhelming environment.
I can guarantee you that by using these strategies consistently, you will slowly rewire your brain to feel more comfortable and confident in business, networking, and social situations. Each step you take will help reduce the fear and make it easier to walk confidently into a room full of people. Deep breath and in you go…..
Ray Baptiste - With over 30 years of recruitment experience, I’ve helped thousands of mid-career professionals and those over 50 find jobs that match their skills and passions. Whether you're just starting your search or fine-tuning your interview technique, I can provide the guidance you need to succeed.
If you're ready to take control of your job search and land your next role with confidence, I’m here to help. Contact me at ray@aionion.co.uk, or book a coaching session to start your journey toward your ideal career.
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